Hi everyone! This is Christy Fieber again and I represent Volunteer Muskegon's AmeriCorps. Our members are placed at several sites in Muskegon, Oceana, and Newaygo Counties. The 15 full-time members and five minimum-time members involve K-12 youth in service-learning projects. Members develop strong skills in youth development, grass roots community problem solving, and leadership skills. Muskegon’s AmeriCorps team is dedicated to building awareness of national service and facilitating large-scale service projects on days of national service. Members serve in school systems, health organizations, and various non-profit agencies.I serve in a local high school where I facilitate the after-school program dedicated to building social skills, improving grades, and individual mentoring. In addition to the after-school program, I also work with three students in the special-education program. We work to improve their math, reading, and writing skills through various computer programs and books.
I am half-way through my first year of service, and am looking forward to serving a second year. Since I was a little girl, I have been taught to periodically reflect on what I am doing with my life, whether it is school, a career, or even relationships. I have been taught that before beginning any project, it is important to set expectations and goals. Looking back at my last six months of service, I have learned to not believe in expectations. I can’t help but think expectations are merely judging the situation or person before you’re able to truly understand their worth. I now realize I have always held this truth to be self-evident. The teachers I respected most in school were not the ones who said “I expect you to write a two-page paper,” but rather the ones who expected a ten-page paper. They were the ones who were able to see your value even when you weren’t.
I look back at when I was first asked to mentor three special-education students and what my “expectations” were. I remember thinking about how great the opportunity was and how it offered me a chance to give them a unique perspective on learning. While that aspect of my service has been nothing but successful and has given me immense joy, it is what I did not expect that has me looking to serve a second year.
Just a couple weeks ago, the three students were busy with a writing assignment. On this particular day, they were free to write about anything they desired - the only requirement was that it had to be one half-page. One student, Ashley, said she was going to name her story “What Hurts the Most.” She discussed how she knew it was the name of a country song, but her story had nothing to do with the famous lyrics. She wrote non-stop for an hour and a half. I was impressed with her ability to stay focused on one task for so long, as she has a tendency to be chatty with me and the other two students. Then I thought there must be a reason she is staying so focused; this story must be something she holds close to her heart.
After she was completed, she handed me her two-page, front and back story. I was as eager to read it as she was to get my feedback. She talked about being a girl in elementary school and other kids making fun of her for her disability. She said they would call her names, push her in the dirt, spit on her while she was down, ask her out on fake dates, give her fake invites to fake parties, put gum in her hair, and would intentionally hit her in the face during kickball games. But, she went on, it is still not what hurts the most.
As she entered high school, she wrote about how she became friends with Mackayla, another special-education student in our program. They started a club that invited all people with disabilities. One member of the club was deaf. Ashley said even though they weren’t able to have a traditional, ordinary conversation, this new member taught Ashley how to say her name in sign language. Ashley says she looks forward to learning more sign language, but there are things that are understood and are universal regardless of an inability to speak or hear.
“We all want to be loved. We all want friends, a husband, children, a girlfriend to show us how to do our make-up, a dad to walk us down the aisle. But most of all, we all want to be respected, want to be believed in, and to have the freedom to make our own choices,” she wrote.
She went on to say that when she is older she hopes to adopt deaf children so she can share in their experience of learning sign-language and will have a unique understanding of living with a disability. She also wants to adopt five more children with various disabilities. Now I would learn, what does hurt her the most. If those childhood bullies had only taken the time to talk to her, to get to know her beyond the disability, beyond the physical, they would have an open heart to accept all people. They would be overwhelmed with understanding and have open-minds. They would know that all people, regardless of abilities or disabilities, are essentially the same. I have no other words, but to say I was in absolute awe. What had hurt her was to know what those children were missing out on. She hurt for them - not for herself, not for her physical pains. I don’t believe I have ever come into contact with someone so selfless.
I am angry with myself for so many reasons; I am angry that I “expected” to change these students more than they changed me. I am angry that I read the title of that story “expecting” much less insight and knowledge than she displayed, expecting the physical and emotional pains of bullying to be her greatest pain. I am angry that I never “expected” a 16 year-old student who is considered to have the mental capabilities of a third-grader, to hold more understanding and love for people than most 30 year-olds with whom I have come into contact. I have a new outlook on life, on service, and on relationships. We are often so consumed and self-conscious about what we have to offer and what words we choose to say to one another, that we sometimes forget what others can give us and show us. It can cause us to be consumed with our own little world inside our own little bubble. It is sometimes hard to acknowledge that other religions, other lifestyles, other cultures, and other people can offer us insight into this life because it would mean we have to accept our imperfections, and thus must search and reach out to other groups of people in order to achieve such insight. But, through my service, I have learned just how imperative it is to go on such a journey, because I have gotten a glimpse of what it has to offer, and who I can become as woman who dedicates her life to service.
“There's much insight to be gained during these times by aligning heart and mind. As we achieve alignment, the experience of new awareness will become tangible and alive. Now is the time to take that promise to heart. But having insights is different than acting on them. We must follow the heart and shape a better world for ourselves and the collective whole.”
- Doc Childre and Howard Martin
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