Mental Notes on Mentoring

 Mentoring. What is it, exactly? Is it to help one navigate through their life? Is it to encourage and help one to begin to see the ‘big picture?’ Or possibly, could it be to help make adjustments, change tendencies, break or make habits? Are there methods that work better than others? Can I get a handbook?! Hi, I’m Mark Haskin, and as you can tell, I have a few questions about what it truly means to mentor.

I suppose I can sift through these questions by taking a cross section of what I’ve learned through my experiences as an AmeriCorps member and a mentor to youth.

Here at the Neighbors Plus Alternative Suspension Program (ASP), mentoring seems to be only a piece of what we do although I’ve found that it’s fingerprints are found throughout all of the activities I’ve been involved in during my two years as an AmeriCorps member with the Faith in Youth Partnership in Holland. The Faith in Youth Partnership is an organization that partners AmeriCorps members with seven local community agencies that serve the disadvantaged youth who live in the greater Holland area. At the Alternative Suspension Program, we serve 6^th- 9^th grade students who are part of the West Ottawa School District on Holland’s north side and have been either suspended or expelled from school. This voluntary program is offered to students free-of-charge and is made known to each student and guardian at the time of suspension/expulsion.

Though the program offers each student the opportunity to remain on track with their schoolwork through collaboration between the ASP staff and their individual teachers, the underlying goal of the program is to shed a light on the options and choices each student has in regards to their future. While doing this, we’re constantly reminded through our discussions with our students of the importance of perspective. As a middle school student, all we know is what we’ve been taught through our own family’s practices and actions. A child who grows up in a home of all factory workers, police officers or musicians may see few other options than becoming an assembly line manager, bailiff or a harpist. A child who knows only one way of life will most likely view any another option as foreign, thought it may seem quite normal to adults/staff members.

I’ve learned that when mentoring youth it is important to value the student for who they are, right now. Not for who they have the potential to become or even who we as mentors hope they will become, but simply, for who they are. It is important to value and acknowledge the positive qualities and characteristics that each student possesses in the present. It is important to recognize and seek to understand the values that they hold onto so tightly, and learn to appreciate these, even if they are different than our own.

Through academic progress and assisting students in achieving more than they imagined possible, we at ASP encourage students to dream of what they could become someday. By helping to make the difficult become understandable, the stressful to become do-able, and the impossible to become possible, students begin to develop self-confidence, self-motivation, and self-pride. One student, who has a particularly difficult time concentrating on math, recently told me that he didn’t want to take a break with the rest of the students because he wanted to keep working on his assignment! Knowing this student for quite some time and knowing that his reputation as a tough guy was on the line, I waited until the other students left the class room to jokingly ask, “Geeze, ya nerd, giving up your break to do math? What's gotten into you?” He responded, “What!? I’m not a nerd! It's just fun now that it isn’t hard anymore.” I answered, “Yeah, it is, isn’t it?” I continued, “And I guess you don’t have to be a nerd to be good at math, huh?” “Nope!” he fired back with a smile.

At ASP, we sometimes have students for only a few days, and others for the length of an entire academic year. Naturally, the depths of relationships vary from student to student. During my two years of AmeriCorps service, I’ve learned that when mentoring youth, the deeper you allow yourself to be known, the more weight your words and actions hold. It is important to empathize with their pain and genuinely celebrate in their joy.  I think to do this, the mentor needs to have something on the line. To have given part of themselves to the other. Not simply time, energy or other resources – but themselves.

Through my experience, I guess this is what I’ve found to be true. Mentoring isn’t changing another person, having a list of goals, or even simply giving time and resources. It is the giving of a piece of one’s self to another.